I have come up with a bold plan to counter Hurricane Sandy. I shall DRINK Hurricanes!
Splash of Grenadine, 2 oz. orange juice, 4 oz. pineapple juice, 1 shot dark rum. Repeat until the storm is vanquished!
The scariest Halloween story EVER
I’m writing the scariest Halloween story ever. It’s about a writer who writes the scariest Halloween story ever and dies just before hitting SEND.
David Mitchell and Ayn Rand?
My next book will be an epic mashup of David Mitchell and Ayn Rand, and I shall call it Cloud Atlas Shrugged.
Can I pretend I never heard this?
Newest wretched word heard on the radio this morning: the morning guy talked about an upcoming interview with a meteorologist about bad weather approaching. He announced “We will converse this at 7:20!”
Oh well. At least he did not say that he was going to be efforting the interview. I guess he already efforted it.
If you thought Converse was just a sneaker…
Newest wretched word heard on the radio this morning: the morning guy talked about an upcoming interview with a meteorologist about bad weather approaching. He announced “We will converse this at 7:20!”
Oh well. At least he did not say that he was going to be efforting the interview. I guess he already efforted it.
The infantilization of language
I’m listening to the radio, and I’m hearing this weight-loss ad on the radio. If you’re an adult, that place between your chest and your hips is your stomach, not your tummy. If your tummy is too big, perhaps it got that way by eating too many sammies, or have you been overindulging in psgetti again? Just… STOP, before I have to come over there and make you stand in the corner.
I’m Paul Baxter, and I approved of this message
The jar of peanut butter I just opened is the BEST jar of peanut butter I’ve opened ALL DAY. And my dog agrees.
I’m Paul Baxter, and I approved of this message.
As things are
We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are.
~The Talmud
Cereal monogamist
I am a cereal monogamist. I finish my corn flakes before I go shopping for raisin bran.
My National Poetry Day 2012 poem
…and MY poem for National Poetry Day:
The sky tonight, so clear
I could see a million stars
Or at least nineteen
(plus the moon)
and then I ran out of fingers and toes
to count them on.