Writes all the things. Most of the things never write back.
I walked outside this morning and found Morgan Freeman on my front lawn. He was narrating March of the Slugs.
One slug appears to have fallen down the steps and faceplanted. Either that, or it’s doing yoga. I’ve never seen a slug doing Downward-Facing Dog before.
Sometimes a title comes to mind and I think, I really want to read that story. I guess I’d better write it.
If a genie used Autocorrect:
Me: (blows out birthday candle; smoke turns into a genie) Wow! A genie! Do I get three wishes?
Autocorrect: Here are your three fishes.
Me: Not fishes! For my birthday, I have three wishes?
Autocorrect: Granted. Here are your three dishes.
Me: NO! NO! Birthday WISHES?
Autocorrect: Here are your birthday witches. poof; disappears.
Me: looks at the witches Anyone for some cake? I also have fish.
I just heard a guy on the radio say “Reach for the stinkin’ stars.”
Stars don’t stink.
Because vacuum of space.
And very, very hot. Very.
IT’S SCIENCE.
I am now working on the script for SAMSON, where Samson raises a gritty, ragtag army of underdogs with his quirky but lovable sidekick to fight against an oppressive king. It will include a training montage featuring the jawbone of an ass.
Then I will work on the script for DAVID AND GOLIATH, where David raises a gritty, ragtag army of underdogs with his quirky but lovable sidekick to fight against an oppressive king. It will include a training montage featuring a slingshot.
After that, KING ARTHUR, where Arthur raises a gritty, ragtag army of underdogs with his quirky but lovable sidekick to fight against an oppressive king. It will include a training montage featuring a sword pulled from a stone.
Finally, LYCAON, where King Lycaon raises a gritty, ragtag army of underdogs with his quirky but lovable sidekick to fight…
Wait. Lycaon WAS the oppressive king. Never mind.
I take EVERYTHING with a grain of salt these days. Including salt.
It seems it is National Tequila Day.
Whatever will I do to celebrate?
I’m sure I’ll think of something.
I went to the store today and on the shelves was a product called Suddenly Salad.
I don’t know if I like the sound of that. It could be apocalyptic.
I am imagining the bloody, stunned survivors. They never saw it coming. They never suspected a thing.
“I was just standing there, minding my own business, and then.. suddenly, salad! Salad everywhere! Tossed, chopped! Smothered in croutons! Oh, the greenery!”
My coffee is in the other room. While I sleep, it… waits. Waits for the morning. Waits for me to wake.
Coffee never sleeps.
At the top of the hour, the broadcaster said “We’re looking for thunder today.”
And I thought “Really? What does thunder look like, anyway?”