August 2014 – Paul M. Baxter

What I deserve

I just heard an ad on the radio informing me that I deserved a Ford F150.

So where IS the Ford F-150 I deserve? If I deserve it, surely I deserve free delivery too. And a full tank of fuel.

August is National Romance Awareness Month.
With awareness and hard work, we are confident we can stamp out romance in your lifetime.

(I didn’t want to have a national romance anyway.)

2:56 a.m., and three of the last four ads on TV started with”We know why you’re awake!”

One of them thinks I need a reasonably priced funeral home.
One of them thinks I need to buy a Chevy.
One of them thinks I need a sleep study.

Bzzz! None of the above. I just got home from responding to a mutual-aid fire call.

I think I like my version best.

I just saw the question “Where will you find your next story?”

Under the tip of my pen, was my first thought.

I just saw an ominous infographic that stated “31% of singles met their last first date online.”

Did their last first date just kill them, or was it so bad that they swore off dating forever?

I’m listening to a home improvement show on the radio, and the host is talking about manmade concrete blocks. And I thought, really?

I guess that is to distinguish them from the naturally occurring concrete blocks?

I am now imagining something like An American Werewolf in London, but with writers.

Two men are hiking in the countryside. They’re attacked by a werewriter. One dies, and comes back as a ghost to warn the survivor to kill himself.

“You’ve got to do it, David! Kill yourself, or more characters will die!”

David, of course, does NOT kill himself, instead choosing to follow the old writing advice to “kill your darlings.”