I’m imagining a mash up between It’s a Wonderful Life and True Lies.
The result: It’s a Wonderful Lie, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. In it, Arnold jumps off the bridge yelling “I’ll be back!”
Snowing like crazy
I know what it looks like when it’s snowing like crazy out. What I want to know is, what does it look like when it’s snowing like sanity out?
Then again, I’m not sure I know what sanity looks like. Looking in the mirror sure didn’t give me any clues.
The suspension bridge of disbelief
I want to hire an engineer to design a Suspension Bridge of Disbelief. I’d charge tolls to cross it; double to come back.
… from what we lose…
“If we couldn’t get strong from what we lose, and what we miss, and what we want and can’t have, then we couldn’t ever get strong enough.”
― John Irving, The Hotel New Hampshire
Countering Hurricane Sandy
I have come up with a bold plan to counter Hurricane Sandy. I shall DRINK Hurricanes!
Splash of Grenadine, 2 oz. orange juice, 4 oz. pineapple juice, 1 shot dark rum. Repeat until the storm is vanquished!
The scariest Halloween story EVER
I’m writing the scariest Halloween story ever. It’s about a writer who writes the scariest Halloween story ever and dies just before hitting SEND.
David Mitchell and Ayn Rand?
My next book will be an epic mashup of David Mitchell and Ayn Rand, and I shall call it Cloud Atlas Shrugged.
Can I pretend I never heard this?
Newest wretched word heard on the radio this morning: the morning guy talked about an upcoming interview with a meteorologist about bad weather approaching. He announced “We will converse this at 7:20!”
Oh well. At least he did not say that he was going to be efforting the interview. I guess he already efforted it.
If you thought Converse was just a sneaker…
Newest wretched word heard on the radio this morning: the morning guy talked about an upcoming interview with a meteorologist about bad weather approaching. He announced “We will converse this at 7:20!”
Oh well. At least he did not say that he was going to be efforting the interview. I guess he already efforted it.
The infantilization of language
I’m listening to the radio, and I’m hearing this weight-loss ad on the radio. If you’re an adult, that place between your chest and your hips is your stomach, not your tummy. If your tummy is too big, perhaps it got that way by eating too many sammies, or have you been overindulging in psgetti again? Just… STOP, before I have to come over there and make you stand in the corner.