The dog barked, knowing even as he did so that there were certain concepts which didn’t translate well into Dog.
He’d try interpretive dance next.
It only gets more complicated from there
From my work in progress:
“They were completely unaware of each other, which is just as well, because if they were, it would lead to a story which would take more time to tell than I have right now. The end.”
Beat the clock!
Just saw a plot description about a kidnapped scientist and a rescue team trying to beat the clock, and I thought, just rescue the scientist and leave the poor clock alone!
The Love Story of LuLuBelle and Billy Bob
Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats, she thought. Then she realized, naw. Billy Bob never was big on thinking anyway.
The end.
… but we use the instruments we have, and play them the best we can…
Language is a cracked kettle on which we beat out tunes for bears to dance to, while all the time we long to move the stars to pity.
~ Gustave Flaubert
Autocorrect, a genie, and my birthday
If a genie used Autocorrect:
Me: (blows out birthday candle; smoke turns into a genie) Wow! A genie! Do I get three wishes?
Autocorrect: Here are your three fishes.
Me: Not fishes! For my birthday, I have three wishes?
Autocorrect: Granted. Here are your three dishes.
Me: NO! NO! Birthday WISHES?
Autocorrect: Here are your birthday witches. poof; disappears.
Me: looks at the witches Anyone for some cake? I also have fish.
Stories don’t have closing ceremonies!
The characters in the story I have been working on have been watching the Olympics, and now they want to stage a big closing ceremony. NO! I told them. NO. This is not that kind of story!
Disclaimers
A friend shared a course catalog with some interesting disclaimers for the courses being offered. It got me to thinking that I should probably include a disclaimer with my stories:
Warning: this story is intended solely for entertainment purposes. For external use only. Consumption may lead to vertigo, credulity, nausea, anxiety, and atavisms which may include but not be limited to growth of extra limbs or a tail. Do not read while operating heavy machinery.
Ebenezer Scrooge, P.I.
I am going to write a new version of A Christmas Carol where Scrooge is a hard-boiled private dick solving Marley’s murder:
The name’s Scrooge. Ebenezer Scrooge, P.I. My partner Marley’s been deceased these past seven years, and I won’t rest until I know why.
No corner of the past or present are safe from my hunt. I’ve made bargains – dark bargains – with spirits to assure me of that.
Marley’s murder may lie in the past. But the future will not find him unavenged, or my name isn’t Scrooge.
Ebenezer Scrooge, P.I.