How life looks, from the dog’s perspective

Dog: Let’s go outside!
Human: WAT? WHERE GO?
Dog: Outside. It’s a good night to run.
Human: MUST DRESS
Dog: Oh… OK.
Human: NEED SHOOZ.
Dog: you humans sure are needy.
Human: REDDY!
Dog: Then let’s go!
Human: WHER?
Dog: I don’t know. How about if we follow our noses?
Human: CAN’T SMEL
Dog: Just follow me, then.
Human: * crashes into tree * CAN’T SEE AT NITE
Dog: It’s a good thing I love you.

Lentil soup

I’ve got this New Years family tradition – lentil soup. You eat it on New Years Day to assure prosperity in the New Year. I make it every year. How do I make it? Try this. It’s close to how my father made it, although I’m pretty sure he didn’t add soy sauce, and I think I added the (truly modest amount of) garlic too.

This could just as easily be pea soup if you made it with dried peas instead of lentils, although no guarantees on the prosperity angle if you do THAT, But if you did, it might be fun if you added a handful of frozen peas five minutes or so before you planned to serve it.

Lentil soup

Start with about a three quart saucepan. Pour some oil in the bottom. Place under low to medium heat. Add:

a medium onion or more, chopped

a medium or larger carrot, chopped

a stalk of celery or more, chopped

a clove of garlic, sliced or chopped

Cook until soft. Add:

a quart to six cups of some kind of stock, or water if you don’t have stock. Ham stock is good. Chicken stock is good. Vegetable stock is good. I’ve never tried beef stock. But water is just fine.

a half pound of lentils

Bring to a simmer. While you’re waiting for that, add:

a sprinkling of oregano

a sprinkling of parsley

a bay leaf or two, depending on size

a splash or two of soy sauce

You could also add some chunks of ham, or several slices of bacon, cooked and crumbled, or a smoked pork chop if one wandered by, or none of these if you want to keep it vegetarian. (And when I say several slices, I’m probably talking about a quarter pound. I’d say, whatever you have left over but really, WHO has leftover bacon?) You could also add a chopped potato if you want, and/or a chopped tomato, especially if you have a forlorn tomato that needs to be used for something. Mushrooms might also be a good addition.

If you’re looking to make it a little different for a change, add a little curry, to taste.

I understand there is an Italian variant for New Years called ”New Years Good Luck Soup,” with sliced sweet sausage to resemble coins, spinach to resemble cash, and a handful of ditalini.

Simmer it for awhile. I’ve done this soup in an hour.

You could serve this with a dollop of yogurt or sour cream. Most often I don’t, but it’s pretty and it can be nice.

Laying claim to the future

A promise is a way of laying claim to an uncertain future. It is a way of projecting oneself into the coming months, protecting a commitment that may be impossible to keep. It is also a means of guarding or binding one’s identity—the I in I promise.

— John Kaag and Skye C. Cleary, Advice on New Year’s Resolutions from Kierkegaard and Nietzsche, theparisreview.org

Advice on New Year’s Resolutions from Kierkegaard and Nietzsche

Contingency plans

“Keep your hands where I can see ‘em!” he snarled.

it was then I knew the hours and hours I had spent learning how to do magic with my toes had not been wasted.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Because Autocomplete REALLY wants me to wish someone Happy Thanksgiving, despite the many, MANY times I’ve been typing Happy New Year in the last twenty-four hours.

“Are you sure you don’t want to wish someone Happy Thanksgiving?” Autocomplete suggests, full of hope. “It’s not just for November!”

“Let’s agree to disagree on that one,” I said.

Autocomplete was SO PLEASED when I relented and titled this post Happy Thanksgiving.

Don’t look now…

Don’t look now, but 2020 is stalking its way around the world RIGHT NOW, strengthening itself by feeding on the remnants of 2019.

Happy New…

I started typing “Happy New…” and Autocorrect wanted to complete it with “Hope.”

THIS IS NOT EPISODE IV OF STAR WARS, AUTOCORRECT.

Automobile name recycling

I was hearing an ad on the radio for Lincolns, and as they rattled off the model names, one sounded familiar – and I made the connection. In 2019 there’s a Lincoln Corsair, but in 1958 and 1959 – there was an Edsel Corsair. I guess sixty years was a safe distance.

Other Edsel model names have since been reused. There was an Edsel Citation (Chevrolet), an Edsel Pacer (American Motors), an Edsel Ranger (Ford), an Edsel Viilager (Mercury), and an Edsel Comet (Mercury).

The Edsel Bermuda and Edsel Roundup are still waiting to be used again as car model names.

Holiday werewolves

Holiday werewolves: ever considered getting drunk cheap by drinking all the blood of someone who’s BEEN drinking?

It won’t work.

Adult blood volume is about five liters/5000 ml.

A blood alcohol content of 0.10 percent would be… 5 ml of pure alcohol.

Which would be the equivalent of 12.5 ml of 80 proof booze of your choice; about 0.44 fluid ounces, or less than a third of a shot.

So even if you, a werewolf, drank ALL your victim’s 80 proof rum-infused blood, it would barely register. Not a good life choice, werewolf.

(So, you’ll never see a werewolf in one of my stories making THAT mistake!)