Parent: “Just remember, there’s nothing there in the dark that isn’t there when the lights are on.”
Child: “That’s just what I’m afraid of!”
Elections…
“With this book,” the necromancer said, “I can conjure people from the dead!”
“Pfft,” the politician said. “We’ve been doing that with voters for years.”
Mixed metaphor of the day
The mixed metaphor of the day seen online:
“… Skip the hand wringing… and… get on board to come down into the trenches”
Storming the castle
If you’re determined to storm the castle, let the other angry villagers go first. That way, the monster will be more tired by the time it gets to you.
“It was a complete 360!
Heard in a radio ad, from a woman who was extolling the service she got from a local car dealer: “It was a complete 360 compared with the Volkswagon dealer I dealt with down South.”
Oooo…kay….
National Sandwich Day
On the beach, I shouted, “It’s safe to come out! It’s National Sand Witch Day!”
“#NationalSandwichDay,” she said from behind the dune. “Not the same thing.”
Vehicles that make you look younger
There is a local radio ad with a woman – she and her husband are in their sixties, and she wants to buy a red Jeep instead of one that is black, white or silver because she wants to think out of the box and look younger.
I think the only way a red Jeep would make you look younger is if the windows are heavily tinted and you never get out.
I bought a newer vehicle recently. The old one was silver. The newer one is black. I don’t look any younger. Perhaps I chose poorly.
That IS kinda the nature of predictions…
I just heard someone on the radio say they had a prediction for the future. Those are much trickier than predictions for the past.
Beard care with Occam’s Razor
Beard care with Occam’s Razor:
The simplest possible solution is not to shave.
How good IS that?
There’s an ad on the radio for a fast food chain that will sell you breakfast food at any time of the day. You can get hotcakes for dinner. The announcer exclaims that it doesn’t get better than that.
* wipes away a tear for the announcer and her stunted vision of how good things can get *