I just saw a cellular provider ad offering “text at lightening speed!”
I am now looking forward to a weight loss through texting workout.
Guilt trips
When I get a guilt trip, I mentally tally up the frequent flyer miles I’m accruing. Bad news is, they’re good for no place I want to go.
Bear in mind…
When people ask me to bear something in mind, I am tempted to tell them that my head is full enough as it is, and there’s no room for a bear in there too.
Flesh, meet bones
I just read a piece of writing which read, in part, “her flesh hugged her bones.”
And I thought, dear God, I hope so.
It’s 4 a.m. Now I am imagining her flesh having its differences with her bones and deciding to go off on its own.
But that would be a very different story than this one was.
Gonna need different shoes after this…
When someone says that it would behoove someone to do something, why do they never actually wind up with hooves when they do it?
Norm!
There’s a new show on CBS called Scorpion. The ad has a line to the effect that “I assembled a team of the most brilliant people in the world. Not necessarily the most normal.”
Uh… dude? If they’re the most brilliant people in the world, BY definition they’re not the most normal. This is true of any group defined by a characteristic of being at an extreme. By that very fact, they are REMOVED from the norm.
A group of geniuses? Not normal.
A group of Olympic athletes? Not normal.
A group of billionaires? Not normal.
It’s a stupid line to use in promoting a show about a team of brilliant people, and thus it undercuts the very premise of the show.
“Manmade concrete blocks”?
I’m listening to a home improvement show on the radio, and the host is talking about manmade concrete blocks. And I thought, really?
I guess that is to distinguish them from the naturally occurring concrete blocks?
The characteristics of stars
I just heard a guy on the radio say “Reach for the stinkin’ stars.”
Stars don’t stink.
Because vacuum of space.
And very, very hot. Very.
IT’S SCIENCE.
Suddenly… SALAD!
I went to the store today and on the shelves was a product called Suddenly Salad.
I don’t know if I like the sound of that. It could be apocalyptic.
I am imagining the bloody, stunned survivors. They never saw it coming. They never suspected a thing.
“I was just standing there, minding my own business, and then.. suddenly, salad! Salad everywhere! Tossed, chopped! Smothered in croutons! Oh, the greenery!”
Bookstore robbery
“Give me all your thesauruses! And make it snappy, quick, speedy, expeditious, rapid, fast, swift, brisk, prompt, accelerated!”