My most recent short fiction.
Me: Mmm! Chili cheese dog! (turns for napkin) Hey! It’s gone!
Dog: (innocent look)
Feed me!
I am going to write a new version of “Little Shop of Horrors” where the things crying “Feed me!” are the little electronic devices awaiting recharging.
Uh oh…
News flash: Mars rover Curiosity takes first test drive, immediately pulled over as unlicensed, uninspected, uninsured.
The powerful cat lobby
The powerful cat lobby is celebrating today at their success in FINALLY getting Curiousity exiled to Mars. Because, you know what Curiousity did to the cat, and cats have LONG memories.
The Supervillain Superstore
I’m watching a James Bond movie, and once again, the henchmen are dressed in matching outfits. Is there a supervillain superstore where they can shop for henchmen uniforms in bulk, or is there a hiring agency where you can get your henchmen on day rates until you’re more established in your villainy?
Schroedinger’s avocado
Schroedinger’s avocado: you’re thinking about guacamole. There’s an avocado on the refrigerator. Someone may or may not have already made guacamole. Until you open the refrigerator door to check, the avocado exists simultaneously as both whole AND all mashed up. Kinda like Schroedinger’s cat, only tastier.
What a gallon of pickled eggs looks like
Nearly four dozen of ‘em.
Auditory clues
How you know Syracuse is playing basketball — listen for the sound of teeth chewing fingernails.
Domesticity
“We’ll just have to see how it goes,” she replied airily… which was not an entirely honest thing to say. Intelligent women know exactly how it will go, which is why so many of them can be found vomiting on the eves of their wedding.
~ Bob Shacochis, Domesticity
Cat baths and other hazardous activities
Giving a cat a bath is like trying to sharpen a chain saw while it’s running. It will not end well.
~ Tom Plumpton