I woke up this morning and somehow, it was September.
Admittedly, it did arrive in the customary way, as the day following August 31.
Autocorrect follies
Dear Autocorrect:
When I type oof, I mean oof, not Olaf. Not oodles.
When I type blech, I do not mean bleach, or bleachers.
Everything changes
Everything is in transformation and all lives continue in different forms, the werewolf realized as the full moon rose. But if that was true, why was no one else suddenly getting much hairier?
Before there were weird prescription drug names — there was Star Trek
Did you ever notice how character names on Star Trek sound like rejected names for new prescription medicines? An episode MeTV is about to show includes Plasus, Droxine, and Midro.
SCUBA court?
Just got an e-mail (with an attachment, of course) from District Court that I “have to appear in the Court on the September 05.” The e-mail address for “District Court” is @scubajsa.com.
IS THIS A SCUBA COURT? I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SCUBA DIVE! AM I BEING CHARGED WITH HAVING DEFICIENT SCUBA SKILLS?
Where is Schenectady?
Language can be telling. What does it say when someone describes Schenectady, New York as being a couple hours away from New York City, rather than nineteen miles from Albany, New York?
This is a piece intended for a national audience, and I’m sure a lot more people know where NYC is than Albany, even if Albany IS the state capital. So their choice of how to describe Schenectady’s location was an good one, even if it did strike my ear as odd at first.
Discernment
“You don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground!”
“Oh, yeah?”
* walks past donkey, jumps in ditch, tries to ride away *
But then, who can be said to be truly innocent?
Now I want to write a TV series:
“FREEZE! OR NOT! EXISTENTIAL POLICE!”
Episode 1: STAKEOUT FOR GODOT
Runway? We don’t need no stinkin’ runway!
Saw something on Twitter about a traveller trapped in an airplane on the taxiway. I always wonder if the pilot ever thinks of turning to the co-pilot, saying “LET’S DO THIS,” and taxiing over to the Interstate instead.
From the cabin over the intercom: “Folks, we’ve had a little change in plans. We’re making this a road trip instead. Buckle your seat belts. This could get a little bumpy.”
Cue up music… “I CAN’T DRIVE… 55!”
11:30
I just misread “a show’s premiere episode” as “a show’s premature episode,” and I was imagining a producer yelling, “Wait! WAIT! WE’RE NOT READY YET!”
And then I remembered words of wisdom from Lorne Michaels about when to call your work finished enough to go public with it. He said of Saturday Night Live, “The show don’t go on because it’s ready. It goes on because it’s 11:30.”
As Steve Jobs said, “Real artists ship.”