“You don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground!”
“Oh, yeah?”
* walks past donkey, jumps in ditch, tries to ride away *
But then, who can be said to be truly innocent?
Now I want to write a TV series:
“FREEZE! OR NOT! EXISTENTIAL POLICE!”
Episode 1: STAKEOUT FOR GODOT
Runway? We don’t need no stinkin’ runway!
Saw something on Twitter about a traveller trapped in an airplane on the taxiway. I always wonder if the pilot ever thinks of turning to the co-pilot, saying “LET’S DO THIS,” and taxiing over to the Interstate instead.
From the cabin over the intercom: “Folks, we’ve had a little change in plans. We’re making this a road trip instead. Buckle your seat belts. This could get a little bumpy.”
Cue up music… “I CAN’T DRIVE… 55!”
11:30
I just misread “a show’s premiere episode” as “a show’s premature episode,” and I was imagining a producer yelling, “Wait! WAIT! WE’RE NOT READY YET!”
And then I remembered words of wisdom from Lorne Michaels about when to call your work finished enough to go public with it. He said of Saturday Night Live, “The show don’t go on because it’s ready. It goes on because it’s 11:30.”
As Steve Jobs said, “Real artists ship.”
When my humor is transparent
I watched “The Return of the Invisible Man” last night. Now I am writing a new version involving animals. The title is “Steer Clear.”
Complete?
Watching a documentary on plane crashes.
Survivor: “I was completely terrified.”
Question: is anyone ever incompletely terrified?
How much demand is there for black horses to be carried, anyway?
I saw a Sponsored Post; Black Horse Carriers is hiring. I don’t think I could carry a black horse very far, though. Do you know how much those things weigh?
The Writing Page
A friend of mine just retitled his Facebook page as a Writing Page. I wish I had a Writing Page. It sounds like something out of Harry Potter. All I’d have to do is put the Writing Page in front of me and watch it fill itself up with the most sublime prose this side of Sheboygan.
Instead? The page just sits in front of me, all blank, and *I* have to fill it in and make it not-blank, LIKE A CAVEMAN WITH A STICK OF CHARCOAL ON A CAVE WALL.
Caution horses
I saw a trailer today with lettering on the back that said CAUTION HORSES. I was charmed by the concept. What helpful horses! They must be something like seeing eye dogs.
If I had a Caution Horse, it would probably ask me “Do you really want to do that?” or tell me, “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
That’s how Hannah wound up with her horse. She was considering entertainment choices, and a horse walked up and said “You know, cable TV might not be the best option for you.” It was the best advice she’d gotten all day.
Where IS my next story?
I just saw the question “Where will you find your next story?”
Under the tip of my pen, was my first thought.