Sometimes I apologize to inanimate objects when I bump into them by accident.
If I bump into them on purpose, it’s generally nothing personal.
Timing
Beneath dead leaves
Green shoots look up at snow
And laugh; “Your days are numbered,” they think,
“And ours are yet to come.”
Nobody seems to think about these details (other than me), and probably for good reason
If the world was my oyster, how would I possibly get enough cocktail sauce to go with it?
Should’ve worn goggles, I guess
When the moon hits MY eye like a big pizza pie, for an instant I realize the whole ‘moon is made of cheese’ thing was true.
When the moon hits my eye like a big pizza pie, I say “OW OW HOT MOLTEN CHEESE OW.”
Recruiting possibilities for the Sith
Hey, how about an evil Sith Ewok? Or a Sith Gungan?
NO ONE WOULD EVER SEE THAT COMING.
Winter storm names
The names I give winter storms are normally muttered under my breath as I’m out shoveling snow.
This means WAR!
Is there any way I could secretly instigate a war between the Ewoks and the Gungans?
(This’ll never appear as an analogies test question on the SAT)
Ewoks are to Wookies as chihuahuas are to Great Danes.
Remember this. It may be on your next SAT exam.
The answer is: more champagne
I’ve finally figured out where new years go wrong. It starts when I stop drinking champagne. IT’S ALL DOWN HILL FROM THERE.
Expiration date cooking
Maybe I will have a theme party for New Years Eve. The theme would be every food in the house with a 2013 expiration date. This could make for some interesting combinations.