World Donkey Day advice:
If a donkey asks you to kiss him, claiming he is an enchanted prince?
He’s probably just another talking donkey.
Getting organized
Have you ever lost something by putting it away in the place it really belongs, rather than in the place you’ve always left it instead?
THAT’LL teach me to try to get better organized.
Not all trans fats are created equal
In light of the recent news about bacon, sausage, preserved and cured meat, and red meat …
For decades, it was EGGS ARE BAD AND THEY’RE GOING TO KILL YOU EAT ONE, MAYBE TWO A WEEK MAX.
And my name isn’t even Max.
Now, it’s * oh maybe we were not exactly 100% accurate on that and you can eat eggs in moderation *
Same with butter. BUTTER IS BAD AND IT’S GOING TO KILL YOU. EAT MARGARINE. Then it was DON’T EAT MARGARINE OH GOD NO THOSE TRANSFATS OH THE HUMANITY.
FAT IS BAD. EXCEPT, THEY’RE SUBBING SUGAR AND CORN SYRUP IN. OK MAYBE SOME FATS AREN’T AS BAD AS THE SUBSTITUTES.
Transfats are still on the bad list. At the moment. Except, as it turns out, not all transfats are equally risky…
Apples in a tree by the roadside
I saw a roadside tree with ripe apples, and considered stopping and taking one, but that never goes well in fairy tales, does it?
Who loves ya, baby?
“There’s something very soothing about hanging out with people who know all about your faults and like you just fine anyway.”
~ Maggie Stiefvater
A leap of faith
My horoscope today says “Before you take a leap of faith, be sure you are heading in a direction that is in your best interests.”
This is good advice. As any number of funny animal videos show, if you jump in some random direction, you’re likely to comically crash into something by accident.
Maggie Stiefvater improves your life
Here is a way to improve your life: Everywhere you see the word “margarine,” replace it with “butter.”
– Maggie Stiefvater, on Twitter
Everywhere you see the word “low fat,” apply judicious strikethrough to the letters L and O and W.
Also, I give you full permission to compare the nutrition facts of your granola bar with cookies and forevermore eat cookies for breakfast.
I’m sure this would be a good idea, somehow
I saw one of those inevitably cheery articles about how to turn yourself into a Morning Person.
“Don’t ever say this: ‘I HAVE to wake up at 5am tomorrow.’
Always say this: ‘I GET to wake up at 5am tomorrow!’ ”
I might as likely stop saying “HELP I’m being stabbed to death by knife-wielding rabid weasels with bad toupees and bloodshot eyes!” and start saying “I GET to be stabbed to death by knife-wielding rabid weasels with bad toupees and bloodshot eyes!”
Actually, I might take my chance with the weasels over the alarm clock.
How to find your own voice
I’m not a famous writer guy. But I can share the thing I did that made me like my voice now as much as I’ve ever liked it.
Ready?
Write.
Write A LOT.
Write even when you don’t like the voice of what you’re writing.
By writing a LOT, you’ll start to pick up what there is about your writing that you don’t like. Cut those things out. What’s left is better.
Michelangelo took a block of marble and crested the statue of David by removing everything that didn’t look like David. You can do the same thing with your writing. If you write enough, you’ll see glimmers of your own writing that you like. You’ll see words and phrases you never want to write again. You’ll get better at recognizing these patterns, and your voice will be stronger.
At least, that was my experience.
You may have heard of morning pages. My writing improved when I started doing those. I’ve modified the practice since then. These days, I only do one page, and not necessarily in the morning – but I still do something like them. It helped me start picking out the words and phrases I overused. My first drafts of ANYTHING are cleaner and better now as a result.
Why It’s Worth Making Time for This Lengthy Morning Ritual – Jessica Stillman
Raising the stakes
I admit: writing advice of “raise the stakes” has led me more than once to want to write this:
“He’d screwed up odd-even parking for the last time. When he found the ticket on his car windshield, he knew he had three days to clear himself, or it would mean the end of the universe, all life on Earth, and it would be impossible for him to keep his date with Cassie this Friday night.
It had taken him a LONG time to get that date.”