King… who?

I just got an e-mail with an attachment from “King Huggins.” Doesn’t that sound like a character from a childrens’ book, or a name you’d give your cat for which he’d hate you forever?

“Who’s a good widdle King Huggins? Yes you is! Yes you is!”
King Huggins: * stares balefully *

Becoming apart

The importance of spelling (or typos, or a properly located space): I just got an e-mail from a local business celebrating “10 years of becoming apart of the community.”

“Yeah, when we started, we were really close, but thanks to ten years of sustained effort, we’ve never been further away than we are now!”

Barman v. Superman

I was just writing something and wanted to look up the run time of Batman v. Superman (two hours and three minutes, in case you’re wondering), but instead typed Barman v. Superman, which I might be more interested in seeing.

“Closing time, Superman. Finish your drink and go home.”
“NO ONE TELLS ME WHEN TO STOP DRINKING.”
“Don’t make me call your mother.”
“SHE’S NOT MY REAL MOTHER.”
“Let’s not go through that again. Let me call you a cab.”
“I’M FINE TO FLY. JUST FINE.”
“The last time you said that, you flew into several buildings.”
“A DEER RAN OUT IN FRONT OF ME.”
“A hundred feet in the air?”

One… two… three…

An Old West gunfight with numerically challenged participants:

“You know the rules. Ten paces, then turn and fire.”
“One… two… three… four… the number after four… wait, I got this. This little piggy went to market – no, that’s not it. Dang it! Give me a minute. I’ll figger this out.”

Up early

Me to dog, before I go to bed: I need to get up early in the morning.

* * *

1:30 a.m.
Dog: Get up!
Me: This is not what I meant.
Dog: It’s early, and I want to go out.

I guess I should’ve been more specific.