The cat in my lap is growling at my other cat. When she does, I am making her vibrate so she goes RRRrrrRRRrrrRRRrrr.
I am probably doomed.
Gratitude
I saw a quote online, “Happiness comes when we stop complaining about the troubles we have, and say thanks to God for the troubles we don’t have.”
Thank you, God.
Today I was not attacked by renegade aardvarks.
I was not invaded by anteaters.
I was not caught in an antelope stampede.
There were no airplane crashes anywhere near me.
…and I’m barely into the As. This could take a while…
I’m especially grateful about the aardvarks, though.
Calling my bluff
When people try to call my bluff, I tell them “Go ahead. It’s been there for a million years. I’d like to see you get it to move.”
The Disciples of Zor want YOU!
I’ve gotten two “Hey, how are you?” e-mails today.
Each SAYS “I am a Russian girl who wants to find friends abroad.”
One is from “Constance.” The link in her message “to see her photos” would me to a Universal Soldiers web site.
The other is from “Hollie”, and is even more disturbing. The link in HER message would take me to a web site for the Disciples of Zor.
I don’t think I want to enlist as a Unversal Soldier, nor do I want to become a Disciple of Zor. I mean, nothing against Zor, per se. It’s just that I’m busy, and being a Universal Soldier OR a Disciple of Zor sounds like it would take time that I just don’t have right now.
Mwahaha, or MWAHAHA?
Listen, Autocorrect. If I’d intended to write MWAHAHA! instead of Mwahaha!, I would have written MWAHAHA! in the first place.
He has a point
My dog is skeptical about 2015. “What was wrong with 2014?”, he said.
Zombie 2014
For those who can’t wait for 2014 to be behind you: I wouldn’t trust 2014 while it’s still breathing, and maybe not even after 2015 has driven a stake through its heart. You’ll have to keep looking over your shoulder for a while yet for Zombie 2014 shambling along, parts gradually falling off.
Takeout
I now want to write a Liam Neeson thriller called TAKEOUT.
Bryan: I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. You haven’t placed your order yet. If you are looking for haute cuisine, I can tell you I don’t have it. But what I do have are a very particular set of containers, containers I have acquired over a very long career. Containers that will get food safely to people like you. If you place your order now, that’ll be the end of it until you hear the knock on your door. The delivery boy will look for you, he will find you, and he will expect a reasonable tip.
Zen GPS
I want to invent a Zen GPS unit. Periodically it would say things like “The road you are on does not take you to where you need to go.”
Pizza delivery – before, during, and after the game
I heard an ad on the radio for a local pizza place. They advertised delivery “before, during, and after the game!”
Then I started to worry. “But what if there’s no game on? WHAT THEN?!?” – until I realized that they didn’t say how LONG after the game they stopped delivery.
After all, it’s ALWAYS either before or after SOME game or another. Right now, it’s 17 1/2 hours before the SU basketball game on Sunday.
And they didn’t specify WHAT game. “Hey, I was just about to start a new game of chess by mail! I WANT MY PIZZA DELIVERED!