Ask the little frog why he peeps, and he’ll stare at you and say, “Peep,” which settles the question.
At least, there’s no cotton vermouth
The invention of the cotton gin was highly overrated.
Cotton gin makes a TERRIBLE martini.
I, Reboot
I am working on a story called “I, Reboot” about a new robot line which threatens mankind until they get their weekly software update.
Seasonal averages
I keep telling myself “The seasonal average for April is four inches of snow. The seasonal average for April is four inches of snow…”
This is my version of Dorothy clicking the heels of her ruby slippers together and repeating “There’s no place like home.”
Oh, now you’re picturing ME in ruby slippers. STOP THAT.
Heavy metal album covers with googly eyes
Many things are improved with the addition of googly eyes
An Ode to a Warm April Day
Woohoo!
82!
The Central New York exercise plan
I am going to start a Central New York exercise plan where you do as many push-ups a day as the daily high temperature. I’ll do this as soon as I figure out how to do a negative push-up.
Walter White, Vampire?
I am now imagining a new Twilight movie.
Twilight: Breaking Bad.
Walter White was a bad man. Becoming a vampire did not improve him.
Bookstore robbery
“Give me all your thesauruses! And make it snappy, quick, speedy, expeditious, rapid, fast, swift, brisk, prompt, accelerated!”
But wouldn’t it be loverly?
Over on Twitter, I said I was going to do a rewrite of Pulp Fiction, write in Professor Henry Higgins, and call it Pulp Diction.
But I probably won’t. Probably.