I have come up with a bold plan to counter Hurricane Sandy. I shall DRINK Hurricanes!
Splash of Grenadine, 2 oz. orange juice, 4 oz. pineapple juice, 1 shot dark rum. Repeat until the storm is vanquished!
The scariest Halloween story EVER
I’m writing the scariest Halloween story ever. It’s about a writer who writes the scariest Halloween story ever and dies just before hitting SEND.
David Mitchell and Ayn Rand?
My next book will be an epic mashup of David Mitchell and Ayn Rand, and I shall call it Cloud Atlas Shrugged.
Can I pretend I never heard this?
Newest wretched word heard on the radio this morning: the morning guy talked about an upcoming interview with a meteorologist about bad weather approaching. He announced “We will converse this at 7:20!”
Oh well. At least he did not say that he was going to be efforting the interview. I guess he already efforted it.
If you thought Converse was just a sneaker…
Newest wretched word heard on the radio this morning: the morning guy talked about an upcoming interview with a meteorologist about bad weather approaching. He announced “We will converse this at 7:20!”
Oh well. At least he did not say that he was going to be efforting the interview. I guess he already efforted it.
The infantilization of language
I’m listening to the radio, and I’m hearing this weight-loss ad on the radio. If you’re an adult, that place between your chest and your hips is your stomach, not your tummy. If your tummy is too big, perhaps it got that way by eating too many sammies, or have you been overindulging in psgetti again? Just… STOP, before I have to come over there and make you stand in the corner.
I’m Paul Baxter, and I approved of this message
The jar of peanut butter I just opened is the BEST jar of peanut butter I’ve opened ALL DAY. And my dog agrees.
I’m Paul Baxter, and I approved of this message.
Cereal monogamist
I am a cereal monogamist. I finish my corn flakes before I go shopping for raisin bran.
The expectations game
With the Presidential debate tonight, each camp is trying hard to lower expectations. The President’s camp is praising Romney as a skilled debater, while the President has not had to debate for several years, so is likely to be rusty. The Romney camp retorts that the President is known to be a gifted orator, and that Romney has been working hard just to utter intelligible grunts during debate prep.
A debate drinking game
We’re approaching the start of the debate, so let’s review the rules.
If the President says “Let me make this clear,” drink a shot.
If the President says “Make no mistake,” drink a shot.