Writes all the things. Most of the things never write back.
Sometimes I write a sentence like (speaking of a white leather sofa) “Did it have transparent vinyl covers on it, or was its pristine albinism sufficient ward against the incursion of the mundane?” and I think, TOO ABSTRUSE. NOBODY’S GOING TO UNDERSTAND THAT.
And then I think, no one’s gonna understand ‘abstruse.’
“It”s gonna be a nice fall-like afternoon today,” the guy on the radio says.
Yup. Nothing gets more fall-like than a day in October with typical temperatures. When it’s, you know, FALL.
Sometimes I’m in Oswego during the Rudy’s season, and I’m in a little bit of a hurry, and I think, do I want to go to Rudy’s? And more often than not, I do, because I realize, I CAN DO THIS FOR THE ONES WHO DON’T HAVE THE OPTION. It’s the sacrifice I make, willingly.
No need to thank me. The food is reward enough.
I’m going to start appending “Undisclosed sources reveal… ” in front of everything I say, in order to make them sound more authoritative.
I tried writing a nice, normal story once, but I fell asleep in the middle of writing it.
The moon won’t be completely full for another day, but it’s 99.3% full now, which is close enough for most werewolves.
Modern wishes aren’t what they used to be. These days, it’s “Have a wonderful day!” or “Enjoy that cake!” Used to be, wishes and gifts involved big and dangerous things like turning stones into bread or making everything you touch turn into gold.
Admittedly, those seldom went well.
The occasional egregious typo aside, it’s been a good week since I turned off Autocorrect on the iPad. It seems Autocorrect has a higher rate of faulty autocorrections than I do of typos.
I may never have to buy food again. I take things out of the freezer, and it never gets any emptier. The downside of that: I take out some things and ask myself, what did that used to be?
Missed a fire call because the cats knocked the pager’s power supply brick from the wall.
I only heard the NEXT one because I was outside walking the dog and I heard the siren.
This is why you see fire dogs and not fire cats.