I saw a headline about someone ‘reading the riot act’ to missing ministers.
Which I read as missing monsters.
I like my version better.
Me to monsters: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I’VE BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU! YOU’RE ALL GROUNDED.
Not terrible
The local weathercaster referred to this weekend as “not terrible” – two days of highs of 81° and a 20% chance of showers or scattered showers.
I hope she was being ironic. I’ll take that “not terrible” through the end of October, please. Then you can have your falling leaves and pumpkin spice whatever.
It only gets more complicated from there
From my work in progress:
“They were completely unaware of each other, which is just as well, because if they were, it would lead to a story which would take more time to tell than I have right now. The end.”
A knight in shining armor
The problem with being a knight in shining armor is that if you don’t have a squire, it falls to you to keep it polished.
#ProblemsOfKnightsInModernTimes
Facebook algorithms
Crazy…it worked! After reposting this to all my friends, and muttering arcane incantations under the nearly-full moon, friends started appearing out of nowhere. Some seemed surprised to be there.
Here’s how to avoid hearing from the same 25 Facebook friends, due to Facebook’s new algorithm. What happened to their old algorithm, by the way? Is there a used algorithm market somewhere? Can I buy it and start Footbook or something?
If you are reading this message, leave me a message. If you are NOT reading this message, leave me two messages. Tell me what a good time you’re having doing whatever you’re doing instead of reading my message.
Then, copy and paste onto your wall so you can have more interaction with all your contacts. Or your contact lenses. I’m not sure which. Copy and paste what? I don’t know. Be creative. And don’t use library paste. I see you eating the library paste. Shame on you. I don’t think that’s on the Paleo diet.
I don’t know what happens then. Maybe we all go bowling. People don’t bowl enough these days.
Beware the copse
Lookout to Macbeth, upon seeing the English army is advancing on Dunsinane shielded with boughs cut from Birnam Wood:
“The copse is coming!”
In which I discover I CAN DO MAGIC
I CAN DO MAGIC.
I was just outside with the dog, and the moon was below the level of the trees. I walked away from the moon (LIKE I JUST DIDN’T CARE WHETHER I SAW IT OR NOT), turned back around, and voilà! THE MOON WAS BACK UP WHERE I COULD SEE IT BETTER.
It’s magic. Magic, I tell you. Or geometry.
I think the moon missed me and wanted to spend a little more time with me tonight.
The Royal Wedding
Anyone speaking longingly about “fairytale weddings” probably hasn’t read many fairytales.
Mr. Darcy. UNLEASHED.
The TV listings tell me there is a movie called “Unleashing Mr. Darcy” on the Hallmark Channel, and I’m pretty sure that I am imagining it as a more interesting movie than it actually is.
There’s screaming. Crying. Crowds running. A passerby yells “Run for your life! Mr. Darcy is on a rampage again!”
You mean that’s not what you do?
In honor of Cinco de Mayo, I had some… mayo.
I may be doing this wrong.