“They’re going up against us with everything they’ve got!”
I think I’ll write a story where “They’re going up against us with maybe half of what they’ve got! Give or take ten percent!”
The Love Story of LuLuBelle and Billy Bob
Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats, she thought. Then she realized, naw. Billy Bob never was big on thinking anyway.
The end.
Interviews I have known
Interviewer: What is your greatest weakness?
Interviewee: Coming up with plausible answers to stupid interview questions.
A leap of faith
My horoscope today says “Before you take a leap of faith, be sure you are heading in a direction that is in your best interests.”
This is good advice. As any number of funny animal videos show, if you jump in some random direction, you’re likely to comically crash into something by accident.
Harpy birthday!
Somebody wished me a Harpy Birthday.
Does the female monster in the form of a bird with a human face go away at midnight? She’s making me nervous. Going to sleep seems like the wrong thing to do.
Maggie Stiefvater improves your life
Here is a way to improve your life: Everywhere you see the word “margarine,” replace it with “butter.”
– Maggie Stiefvater, on Twitter
Everywhere you see the word “low fat,” apply judicious strikethrough to the letters L and O and W.
Also, I give you full permission to compare the nutrition facts of your granola bar with cookies and forevermore eat cookies for breakfast.
Belated condolences
It took me until 2015 to find out that Sally Hull McMillan died back in 1976 in McMillan & Wife.
I suppose it’s too late to send flowers.
Careless sentence construction results in… zombies?
Word order in sentences matters.
Local crime story on suspicious finding:
“Someone noticed the remains walking by the railroad tracks.”
If I saw remains walking by the railroad tracks, I’d be suspicious. And probably terrified.
Nothing says “Fathers Day” like kale
I’m hearing a story on the radio this morning about how you should show your love for ol’ Dad this Fathers Day by talking with him about how he should quit smoking. Oh, and give him HEALTHY snacks, like fruits and vegetables, rather than those chips he likes.
Yep. Ol’ Dad is gonna love you for that. I’ll go further and suggest that instead of steaks or burgers or ribs, surprise him with a big plateful of kale instead. That will go over well too. While you’re at it, remind him that when he’s eating kale, he doesn’t have to stand outside in the sun by that barbecue grill, so YOU won’t have to remind him of how he’s neglected to put on the SPF 1000 sunblock. Again.
By then Dad will probably want a drink. Probably not a good idea either, Dad. Maybe a kale smoothie instead?
Emergencies on demand
Hmmm. Just saw an ad where someone said “I just pressed the button, and the emergency arrived within minutes!”
And I’m thinking, wow! A system that summons up emergencies and then delivers them?