Don’t threaten ME, Major Burger Chain

“If you miss out, you’ll never know how delicious 100% sirloin tastes.”

This is the claim a Major Burger Chain is making in its current ad. But that sounds like a hostage threat to me.

What I want to know is, how are they going to pull this off? It’s actually kind of a grandiose claim unless they have some nefarious plan to deny the rest of the world 100% sirloin after the Major Burger Chain’s limited time promotion is over.

Hey, wait. I’m thinking, new Austin Powers movie. Austen Powers versus the Sirloin Monopoly. An evil megalomaniac holds the world’s supply of sirloin hostage unless his demands are met?

I’m sure this would be a good idea, somehow

I saw one of those inevitably cheery articles about how to turn yourself into a Morning Person.

“Don’t ever say this: ‘I HAVE to wake up at 5am tomorrow.’

Always say this: ‘I GET to wake up at 5am tomorrow!’ ”

I might as likely stop saying “HELP I’m being stabbed to death by knife-wielding rabid weasels with bad toupees and bloodshot eyes!” and start saying “I GET to be stabbed to death by knife-wielding rabid weasels with bad toupees and bloodshot eyes!”

Actually, I might take my chance with the weasels over the alarm clock.

Karma and the frogs

It’s a wet night, so there’s more frogs on the road than I’ve seen all spring. I try to avoid hitting frogs as much as I can, but then I started thinking. If you were born a frog due to your past karma, and I hit the frog, would I have freed the frog from its existence so then it would be free to move up a step in its next reincarnation, OR would I be dooming it to be reincarnated yet another time to learn the lessons it had yet to learn as a frog?

This is why I try to avoid hitting frogs, it’s too much responsibility otherwise.

How to find your own voice

I’m not a famous writer guy. But I can share the thing I did that made me like my voice now as much as I’ve ever liked it.

Ready?

Write.

Write A LOT.

Write even when you don’t like the voice of what you’re writing.

By writing a LOT, you’ll start to pick up what there is about your writing that you don’t like. Cut those things out. What’s left is better.

Michelangelo took a block of marble and crested the statue of David by removing everything that didn’t look like David. You can do the same thing with your writing. If you write enough, you’ll see glimmers of your own writing that you like. You’ll see words and phrases you never want to write again. You’ll get better at recognizing these patterns, and your voice will be stronger.

At least, that was my experience.

You may have heard of morning pages. My writing improved when I started doing those. I’ve modified the practice since then. These days, I only do one page, and not necessarily in the morning – but I still do something like them. It helped me start picking out the words and phrases I overused. My first drafts of ANYTHING are cleaner and better now as a result.

Why It’s Worth Making Time for This Lengthy Morning Ritual – Jessica Stillman

Morning Pages – Julia Cameron

 

Friend of the Brand

I see where an expensive watch company has an ad that identifies an actor as a “Friend of the Brand.”

This is a human, of course, not a cow. Cows may have a different perspective on what it means to be a Friend of the Brand.

Too close to home?

You’ve probably noticed my distaste for inapt figures of speech in writing or in the news. The one that caught my attention today was a news report that said the heroin problem ‘was hitting too close to home.’

Which led me to wonder, would they be satisfied if the problem was JUST a LITTLE further away? If it was JUST FAR ENOUGH AWAY from home?