Category: Humor

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Birth of the Ermine Avenger

Forecast is for possible thunder on Christmas Eve. Donner and Blitzen may be dodging actual thunder and lightning.

Me being me, I am now thinking about a story about what would happen if Santa’s sleigh got hit by lightning.

Maybe a new superhero would be created. BIRTH OF THE ERMINE AVENGER. Or maybe the result would be a Santa hybrid: half-man, half ermine.

At least being a superhero would give Santa something to do the other 364 days of the year.

This probably means another year with coal in my stocking, doesn’t it, Santa?

And I was so close. 363 days of being good, down the tubes.

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Better than some humans, I’d wager

I just heard tell of a town considering a local law governing the behavior of farm animals. Absent pesky inconvenient things like the actual substance of the law, I am free to imagine what they might be concerned about.

Are they going to institute a dress code? Have they finally gotten fed up with Donald Duck not wearing pants? Are they going to outlaw playing leapfrog with a unicorn? I mean, that’s a good idea, but I’m not sure it needs to be a law.

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Reimagining Frosty the Snowman

Frosty the Snowman is on now. I’m wondering exactly what they would have brought to life if they’d used the Sorting Hat from Hogwarts instead?

Why is Frosty the Snowman upset that someone forgot to give him a belly button? HE’S NOT A MAMMAL.

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Reimagining Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

I’m watching Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and imagining a version where, when the mud was knocked off Rudolph’s nose, he becomes a reindeer version of Cyclops from X-Men.

I am now imagining a version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer patterned after Carrie, where Rudolph develops deadly telekinetic powers with his red nose.

Scorned. Rejected. Alone. But one day, Rudolph will show them ALL.

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Running out of time in the year

Three weeks is not enough to get everything done that I’d hoped to do in 2014. Where do I go to file for an extension?

I would settle for a time machine. Someone would have to send me one, though. I don’t think three weeks is enough time to invent a time machine by myself. Also, inventing a time machine was not on my 2014 to do list.

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‘Tis the season…

Band-Aids is promoting Band-Aids as a stocking stuffer.

“Merry Christmas!”

“Oh, boy! Band-Aids! I hope I get hurt soon!”

I now want to write a story about unlikely Christmas presents received with improbable – but genuine – enthusiasm.