Note to people on TV and radio: if you’re talking about a bunch of hidden weapons, cache is pronounced “cash,” not cachet (\ka-ˈshā).
Birth of the Ermine Avenger
Forecast is for possible thunder on Christmas Eve. Donner and Blitzen may be dodging actual thunder and lightning.
Me being me, I am now thinking about a story about what would happen if Santa’s sleigh got hit by lightning.
Maybe a new superhero would be created. BIRTH OF THE ERMINE AVENGER. Or maybe the result would be a Santa hybrid: half-man, half ermine.
At least being a superhero would give Santa something to do the other 364 days of the year.
This probably means another year with coal in my stocking, doesn’t it, Santa?
And I was so close. 363 days of being good, down the tubes.
The audience my writing deserves?
I’ve been seeing ads for a course for writers. The ad asks, “Ready to find the audience your writing deserves?”
I’m not sure I am. I’m afraid they’d turn out to be the detainees at Guantanamo, and that my writing was being read to them as punishment.
Camp PA: … that was a lovely song by Barney the Dinosaur. And next, ANOTHER story from Paul Baxter.
Detainees: NO! NO! STOP! WE’VE HAD ENOUGH.
Better than some humans, I’d wager
I just heard tell of a town considering a local law governing the behavior of farm animals. Absent pesky inconvenient things like the actual substance of the law, I am free to imagine what they might be concerned about.
Are they going to institute a dress code? Have they finally gotten fed up with Donald Duck not wearing pants? Are they going to outlaw playing leapfrog with a unicorn? I mean, that’s a good idea, but I’m not sure it needs to be a law.
Reimagining Frosty the Snowman
Frosty the Snowman is on now. I’m wondering exactly what they would have brought to life if they’d used the Sorting Hat from Hogwarts instead?
Why is Frosty the Snowman upset that someone forgot to give him a belly button? HE’S NOT A MAMMAL.
Reimagining Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
I’m watching Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and imagining a version where, when the mud was knocked off Rudolph’s nose, he becomes a reindeer version of Cyclops from X-Men.
I am now imagining a version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer patterned after Carrie, where Rudolph develops deadly telekinetic powers with his red nose.
Scorned. Rejected. Alone. But one day, Rudolph will show them ALL.
Text at lightening speed?
I just saw a cellular provider ad offering “text at lightening speed!”
I am now looking forward to a weight loss through texting workout.
Running out of time in the year
Three weeks is not enough to get everything done that I’d hoped to do in 2014. Where do I go to file for an extension?
I would settle for a time machine. Someone would have to send me one, though. I don’t think three weeks is enough time to invent a time machine by myself. Also, inventing a time machine was not on my 2014 to do list.
Guilt trips
When I get a guilt trip, I mentally tally up the frequent flyer miles I’m accruing. Bad news is, they’re good for no place I want to go.
Autocorrect, reimagined
I am now imagining an Autocorrect for life itself.
Autocorrect: “Skip the clam chowder. Order the crème brûlée.”